Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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