i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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