You just made me feel so damn special
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
