She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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