My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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