you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
