they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
