Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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