It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize