there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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