It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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