I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
