just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
