The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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