I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
