Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
