Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
pray to the hookup gods
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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