Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He passed out mid-signature
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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