The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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