so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize