I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
