then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Someone shit on the floor
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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