I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
