I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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