dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
