i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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