You can't motorboat a personality
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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