Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
