i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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