Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My penis needs a shock collar
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
