I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
