u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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