I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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