He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
