I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
