this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
