you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
