Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
