Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
