Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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