go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
