make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
