1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
