Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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