At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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