i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
