i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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