.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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