He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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