Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think people are normalizing furries
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