If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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