Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
