No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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