So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
