So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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