I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
