I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
