Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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