? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
