It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
