Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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