Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
