suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
