he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
