Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
