FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
