Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
