yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
