great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
