We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
