Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm gonna have a badass scar
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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