I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
