remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
