you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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