There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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