Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
